Move over small talk; it's time for meaningful conversations at work

As workers return after a well earned rest over the Christmas break, they are demonstrating their finely crafted skill of small talk. The trusty water cooler or online chat is filled with questions like, “How was your trip?”, “Did the kids enjoy Christmas?” and “What did you get up to on New Year’s Eve?”.

All of these are valid and arguably integral to building healthy workforce cultures; but are we missing the opportunity to have more meaningful conversations as we kickstart 2023?

Many of us return to work with a smile on our face and a desire to exchange endless pleasantries, but in doing so, there are missed opportunities to check in on a deeper level and have meaningful conversations that create a shared sense of understanding and purpose. Research suggests that employees use their Christmas break to not only recharge, but also reflect. Many return with a new mindset and renewed goals but are not sure how to share it.

What is a meaningful conversation?

‘Small talk’ is designed to be a surface-level conversation that ‘fills the space’ when you are making coffee or when you are waiting for a meeting to start. It is safe and based on short answers that don’t involve feelings or opinions.

A ‘meaningful conversation’ is one that allows both people to share a deeper level discussion where there is quite often vulnerability and authenticity. It enables a safe space where one or both parties can share their feelings, concerns, and thoughts on something that is important to them. It generates the opportunity to outline what may need to change or what support is required.

Are meaningful conversations worth the effort?

Like most things in life, when you invest the effort you earn the reward. In the context of workplace relationships, this means that you can move through the superficial level into one that builds a bond where peers become allies and you gain valuable insights into how to leverage positive and mutually beneficial relationships.

So what are some common benefits in workplaces where meaningful conversations are commonplace?

• Work can be more appropriately distributed based on motivators, skills, and goals
• Strengths and areas for development are more clearly identified
• Team work increases as there becomes a sense that ‘we are all in this together’
• Diversity of thought is embraced when meaningful conversations are welcomed
• Stress levels can decrease when workers feel that they can have deeper conversations to ‘unpack’ their concerns or frustrations
• Turnover decreases as employees feel there is an alternative to resigning
• Leadership brands improve when leaders show a genuine desire to go below the surface

5 tips for leaders to start having meaningful conversations today

Meaningful conversations are relevant at all levels in the organisation; however it is integral that leaders can show the way by initiating deeper conversations and setting the tone for others to follow.

1. Demonstrate authenticity

First and foremost, leaders cannot head into a meaningful conversation to ‘tick a box’.  If the level of conversations revolves around small talk and stats, then employees will be hesitant to open up. It starts with laying the foundation for team members to know that you want to ask the important questions and have the appetite to listen.

2. Use empathetic intelligence

If an employee seems flat or is not their usual self, perhaps that is the opportunity to open the door to a meaningful conversation. Consider swapping “How was your weekend?” with “Sam, I have noticed that you don’t seem yourself today and something might be weighing you down. I want to make myself available to you at any stage today should you feel that there is something I can support you with.”

This statement lets the worker know that the leader has noticed and is ready and willing to listen.

3. Listen more than you talk

Being an active listener means giving the appropriate space for the other person to talk and to be heard. This means listening to what is being said through words and what may be being communicated through body language. Let the other person know that they have been heard by para phrasing and asking probing questions. For example:

Clarify: “What I am hearing is that you feel that you are being overlooked for project opportunities. Is that correct?”

Probe: “It is important that you feel your skills are being valued. Moving forward, can you explain to me what I can do to help you to reach your development goals?”

4. Be prepared for an alternative view

It can be easy to believe that a workplace issue can only be viewed through one lens, but chances are your team member has as an alternative, but valid view.  Try to enter the conversation with an inquisitive mind and ask open questions to better understand the topic. If the employee raises an issue that you disagree with, consider asking the following to ensure the conversation remains meaningful for both parties:

• "I would like to better understand your perspective. Can you tell me more?""
• "I can sense that you have an alternative view. I would value your input as it may be something that I have not considered."
• "I don’t want this to be a cause of frustration for you. Let’s grab a coffee and talk this through so I am clear on your concerns".

5. Avoid the fluff; ask the real questions

It is easy (and safe) to ask top-level questions that won’t generate a difficult response. However, the safe option won’t uncover what is truly bothering the employee or preventing them from truly engaging and committing to the position.

The questions need to be deep enough to generate a meaningful discussion where actions can be initiated.  For example:

Initial question	Follow up question
Tell me about something that may be bothering you in your current role?	What can I do to work with you to remove this barrier?
What is the most important goal for you to achieve in 2023?	How can we work together to ensure this success?
Help me to understand the top three ‘hooks’ for you in this position?	Are we meeting your needs with these or is there something we can do better?
What part of my leadership style do you least enjoy?	What would you like me to do more/less of in 2023?
How well would you say the business does at communicating our goals and plans with you?	What does ‘ideal’ communication look like to you?

Start today and embrace more meaningful connections

It may be human nature to stick to pleasantries and small talk, but when leaders are willing and able to lay the foundation for more meaningful conversations, employees realise that that if they have the confidence to talk, leaders have the appetite to listen.

Further information

For assistance with your workplace matters, Members of Ai Group can contact us or call our Workplace Advice Line on 1300 55 66 77 for further information. Ai Group offers a range of learning and development programs to bring out the best in employees on their leadership journey.

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